I Got My First Pap Smear. Here’s How It Went.

“And what’s your reason for visiting us today?”

The woman at the front desk looked back at me from her computer, through the little sliding glass window, awaiting my response.

It was a simple question, with a simple answer. But instead of a traditional OBGYN office, I went to a family medicine practice for this very routine checkup — so maybe I could’ve been, well, less explicit, in my response.

It’s my health. I’m not ashamed.

Although in a waiting room that included an elderly woman, a couple with their three toddler sons and a boy that looked like he was in high school — it’s possible that the best response wasn’t “you know, just here to get my cervix scraped!”

On second thought, I think sometimes I can be too honest. Like when I get a COVID test and one of the screening questions is: Are you currently pregnant? I always say, “I sure hope not!” Usually, the workers appreciate my humor.

Except for this receptionist, who only gave me what I can best describe as an obligatory, awkward chuckle.

Soon enough I was in the exam room and the nurse had just left, leaving me alone with only the rolling cart with the exam tools and clear instructions to take everything off, because in addition to the Pap smear, they were also going to do a breast exam. I could keep my socks on though — those were okay.

The nerves were kicking in. There I was on the exam table, with nothing but a thin paper sheet covering me. My thoughts raced…

Had I shaved?

Sutton, he’s a doctor. That doesn’t matter.

But also, how many vaginas has this doctor even seen in his career?

Where does mine rank up?

Dang it’s kind of cold in here.

Is it weird if my nipples are hard during my breast exam?

I should’ve taken my socks off.

They somehow make me feel more naked.

Everyone says this hurts like hell.

I hope it doesn’t hurt like hell.

But finally I landed on my final thought: What happens if the biopsy comes back with anything other than good news? What if they find something…bad?

On the exam table, I was dreading getting this exam and was worried about everything — every little thing except for what actually mattered.

This test was about my health. My wellness. My future.

Cervical cancer runs in my family. My own mom a few years before had a Pap smear done that essentially saved her life. They found dysplasia — the presence of abnormal cells. But it wasn’t cancer. Not yet.

That’s why it was important that I was there.

And yes, his attempt at small talk, while he put lube on a speculum, was incredibly awkward. And yes, there was some discomfort as he actually collected the sample. But it was all fine. And it was all certainly worth it.

No one can say they like getting this test, but the benefits of early detection and prevention outweigh any and all risks of avoiding it. So I guess what I was trying to get at with the whole long anecdote is that regular Pap smears can, and do, save lives. Prioritize your health. Your wellness. Your future.